For those of us old enough to understand George Carlin…a few statements to ponder.
- Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.
- One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
- Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
- If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
- What if there were no hypothetical questions?
- If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him…is he still wrong?
- If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
- Is there another word for synonym?
- Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?
- Where do forest rangers go to get away from it all?
- What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
- Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
- Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
- If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
- Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?
- Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
- Why do they put Braille on the drive-thru ATMs?
- What was the best thing before sliced bread?
- One thing nice about egotists: they don’t talk about other people.
- Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
- How is it possible to have a civil war?
- If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
- If you ate pasta and anti-pasta, would you still be hungry?
- If you try to fail and succeed, which have you done?
- Whose cruel idea was it for the word “Lisp” to have an “S” in it?
- Why are hemorrhoids called hemorrhoids instead of “asteroids”?
- Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot at them?
- Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
- Where are we going? And what’s with this hand basket?
- If the “black box” flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn’t the whole airplane made out of that stuff?
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