I have sources that are telling me that Leg Council is currently drafting an important bill for the Special Session. My sources have not seen the entire document but were able to get a segment. I have provided that segment for your review. Hope this is useful for any of your clients or your respective bosses.
Regulations For Hunting Attorneys" SEC. 370.00
370.01 Any person with a valid in state rodent or snake hunting license may also hunt and harvest attorneys for recreational and sport (non commercial) purposes.
370.02 Taking of attorneys with traps or dead falls is permitted. The use of United States currency as bait, however, is prohibited.
370.03 The willful killing of attorneys with a motor vehicle is prohibited, unless such vehicle is an ambulance being driven in reverse. If an attorney is accidentally struck by a motor vehicle, the dead attorney should be removed to the roadside, and the vehicle should proceed immediately to the nearest car wash.
370.04 It is unlawful to chase, herd or harvest attorneys from a power boat, helicopter or aircraft.
370.05 It is unlawful to shout, "WHIPLASH", "AMBULANCE", or "FREE SCOTCH" for the purposes of trapping attorneys.
370.06 It is unlawful to hunt attorneys within 100 yards of BMW, Mercedes or Porsche dealerships, except on Wednesday afternoon.
370.07 It is unlawful to hunt attorneys within 200 yards of courtrooms, law libraries, health clubs, country clubs, hospitals or brothels.
370.08 If an attorney gains elective office, it is not necessary to have a license to hunt, trap or possess the same.
370.09 It is unlawful for a hunter to wear a disguise as a reporter, accident victim, physician, chiropractor or tax accountant for the purpose of hunting attorneys.
370.10 Bag and Possession Limits per day:
Yellow bellied sidewinders, 2
Two faced tortfeasors, 1;
Back stabbing divorce litigators, 3
Horn rimmed cut throats, 2
Minutiae advocating dirtbags, 4
Honest attorneys protected (Endangered Species Act).
370.21 It is illegal to take attorneys with a moving vehicle unless there are no measurable skid marks at the kill site.
Thursday, April 06, 2006
Monday, April 03, 2006
Cajun first aid
Boudreaux staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy Thibodeaux. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife Clotile. He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step.
As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.
As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.
Managing not to yell, Boudreaux sprung up, pulled down his pants and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding.
He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood. He then hid the now almost empty box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed.
In the morning, Boudreaux woke up with serious pain in both his head and butt and Clotile staring at him from across the room.
She said, "You were drunk again last night weren't you Boudreaux?"
Boudreaux said, "Mon cher, why you say such a mean ting?"
"Well," Clotile said, "it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes but mostly.....
it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the downstairs mirror".
Be very very careful what you wish for
A married couple in their early 60s was out celebrating their 35th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.
Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table and said, "For being such an exemplary married couple and for being faithful to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish."
"Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband" said the wife. The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the Queen Mary II luxury liner appeared in her hands. Then it was the husband's turn.
He thought for a moment and said: "Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 Years younger than me." The wife and the fairy were deeply disappointed, But a wish is a wish...So the fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - The husband became 92 years old.
The moral of the story: Men who are ungrateful bastards should remember that fairies are female.
Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table and said, "For being such an exemplary married couple and for being faithful to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish."
"Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband" said the wife. The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the Queen Mary II luxury liner appeared in her hands. Then it was the husband's turn.
He thought for a moment and said: "Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 Years younger than me." The wife and the fairy were deeply disappointed, But a wish is a wish...So the fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - The husband became 92 years old.
The moral of the story: Men who are ungrateful bastards should remember that fairies are female.