YOU KNOW YOU LIVE ON THE GULF COAST WHEN

• You have FEMA's number on your speed dialer.
  
• You have more than 300 C and D batteries in your kitchen drawer.
  
• Your pantry contains more than 20 cans of Spaghetti Os.
  
• You are thinking of repainting your house to match the plywood covering your windows.
  
• When describing your house to a prospective buyer, you say it has three bedrooms, two baths and one safe hallway.
  
• Your SSN isn't a secret, it's written in Sharpie on your arms.
  
• You are on a first-name basis with the cashier at Home Depot.
  
• You are delighted to pay $3 for a gallon of regular unleaded.
  
• The road leading to your house has been declared a No-Wake Zone.
  
• You decide that your patio furniture looks better on the bottom of the pool.
  
• You own more than three large coolers.
  
• You can wish that other people get hit by a hurricane and not feel the least bit guilty about it.
  
• You rationalize helping a friend board up by thinking "It'll only take gallon of gas to get there and back"
  
• You have 2-liter coke bottles and milk jugs filled with water in your freezer.
  
• Three months ago you couldn't hang a shower curtain; today you can assemble a portable generator by candlelight.
  
• You catch a 13-pound redfish. In your driveway.
  
• You can recite from memory whole portions of your homeowner's insurance policy. You consider a "vacation" to stunning Tupelo, Mississippi.
  
• At cocktail parties, women are attracted to the guy with the biggest chainsaw.
  
• You have had tuna fish more than 5 days in a row.
  
• There is a roll of tar paper in your garage.
  
• You can rattle off the names of three or more meteorologists who work at the Weather Channel.
  
• Someone comes to your door to tell you they found your roof.
  
• Ice is a valid topic of conversation.
  
• Your "drive-thru" meal consists of MRE's and bottled water.
  
• Relocating to South Dakota does not seem like such a crazy idea.
  
• You spend more time on your roof then in your living room.
  
• You've been laughed at over the phone by a roofer, fence builder or a tree worker.
  
• A battery powered TV is considered a home entertainment center.
  
• You don't worry about relatives wanting to visit during the summer.
  
• Your child's first words are "hunker down" and you didn't go to Ole Miss!
  
• Having a tree in your living room does not necessarily mean it's Christmas.
  
• Toilet Paper is elevated to coin of the realm at the shelters.
  
• You know the difference between the "good side" of a storm and the "bad side."
  
• Your kids start school in August and finish in July.
  
• You go to work early and stay late just to enjoy the air conditioning.